#living large never happened
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the ghost investigation ward suddenly closes amity park to the outside world and locks all it's residents inside after rounding those who worked outside of amity parks borders. Somehow they had tall walls and powerful glowing electrical fences placed directly on the edges of amity that had been sucked into the ghost zone in a very short amount of time.
Then,with very little warning , the power to the town was shut off. Danny was in class when this happened, before he could try to transform the giw used loud speakers to order the people of amity park to line up at the nearest giw tents set up so that everyone could be given a person tracker, refusals to comply would just mean no food or water until their demands were met.
As people began trying to use their phone many found that there were no signals, without power no computers worked, no water worked, refrigerators at home or in stores didn't work ,no air conditioning worked, and even amity park's hospital was not exempt.
Danny didn't try transforming , helicopters with giw agents were flying over the streets, individual giw agents with expensive looking jet packs were on roofs looking down at the people in the streets, Danny had even seen one agent appear out of nowhere so apparently they had some way of using invisibility, from the window of the class room he saw a agent in a power armor suit that seemed to mimic the one he had worn to fight pirah dark. The more he watched to more scared he got.
Later Danny was in a crowd with jazz in as they and many other people waited to get their trackers implanted. It had taken a week before people gave in,many already tired, thirty,and hungry. The crowd was beginning to be directed by agents to individual lines leading to tents, which were guarded by agents in super suits, men in one line, women in another,and children in the last.
in the children's line ,Danny watched as teens, preteens and younger were scanned by a scanner,photo graphed, and then given a bottle of water and some cheap dehydrated food before it was the next kid's turn. As much as he wanted to run and disappear he knew if he did the giws would withhold food and water again, so grimly he just stayed in line, occasionally walking forward as his turn seemed to rapidly approach. He tried not to think about what might happen to him when his turn came, he just felt numb with fear.
His parents had been the last holding out, resisting the giw,they likely could have gone longer but people are stupid and an angry mob almost formed ,many scared and angry people were just about ready to attack his parents,some people were blaming them for what was happening to amity park.
Privately Danny felt those people were right,that it was his parents fault,and he also felt like it was his fault for going in on a dare like a dumb.
If they had never been obsessed with ghosts this never would have happened, Danny thought as he stepped in front of a hanging height chart. A agent in a generic white suit stepped from behind a flimsy looking folding table with a scanner. Danny hoped the plasmis maximus device vlad had gifted to Danny a few days ago worked or Danny might be taken. He had used it on himself earlier and was currently unable to use his power,not that he wanted to use them at the moment,he was terrified the scanner would reveal him as a ghost and they would take him away. He shivered in fear, holding his breath as the scanner was waved over his body from head to toes and back a few times. It made brief concerning shrill little beeps around his head, torso and hands, but the agent just wrote something on a cheep clip board, snapped a picture of Danny, used a earring piercing device on his ear, which has him thinking of cows and the tags on their ears, making him think perhaps the giws thought of amity park residents as cattle, as property. The agent shoved a bottle of water in his hand and a small package of dehydrated food at him and called for the next person as Danny numbly walked towards his friends,who also had ear tags.
Many young children were crying and clutching their new unwanted accessories, Danny observed, their parents looking pale and nervous, unable to do more than hug their children.
It was hours later when the last man, woman and child was tagged that the giws announced that the power would be returned in the morning,that a mandatory cerfew was being inacted and people out and about would be monitored. That the giw wasn't the bad guy,they were doing this to protect the world.
Danny just hoped their was a escape from this nightmare,he may not be caught at the moment but the dread of being caught eventually was eating at him.
#living large never happened#danny phantom au#fic prompt#danny phantom ideas#the guys in white get competent at a bad time#they decided amity park and its residents are better off quarantined from the rest of the usa
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finally giving fem danyal her own au and fulfilling my 'danny is an animal whisperer' agenda at the same time: mother of monsters danyal 2.0
i say "2.0" because TECHNICALLY 'mother of monsters danyal' is an au I made back in June for Dark fem!Danyal (who I promptly named Layal). However, I haven't posted much for her yet, and I like the "mother of monsters" premise too much to leave it only to Layal. Plus Danyal in that au was going to become the mother of monsters anyway, just with significantly less world domination and mass extinction.
'Animal whisperer' Danny has been something I've been thinking about since my latest DP 'wolfpack au' post and it's! So fun to think about, and who no better to assign the idea to than Danyal Al Ghul? Who comes from a family infamously known for their love of animals and nature?
Fem Danyal is just purely self-indulgent. *gestures wildly at her* i just lomvb,,, her,,,, I've only really mentioned her in context of the 'Things in Threes' au/my first Danyal al Ghul au with the facial scar, but she's!!! I love her. She deserves her own au <33
So kill three birds with one stone! Make a post about it.
Anyways, Danny has a large lair. Similar to cult leader danyal, her lair is a giant mountain region resembling nanda parbat with a big temple/palace-like area built into the mountain. It's large, it's overflowing with natural flora, with its own mini-floating islands hovering over some areas, and it's also completely empty.
Danny takes one look at her lair upon first meeting, -- noting that it looked relatively smaller from the outside -- and promptly, with the elegance of an Al Ghul, goes "What the hell??" Because yes, while she does enjoy her own solitude and privacy, this is a bit ridiculous.
For heaven's sake, there's even a massive lake in there! What's she going to do with all this space? Can she make it any smaller? Why is it so big in the first place? This looks borderline like one of the mega-islands!
She finds out later that apparently, the amount of ectoplasm a ghost has can have an effect on the size of their lair. And since she has such a large core, her lair reflects that. Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff, it's bigger on the inside so it doesn't take up "too much space" on the outside. Don't worry about it too much.
Danyal isn't totally opposed to having such a large lair, she's just... a bit baffled by it. It feels like so much wasted space is all. All this flora and no fauna to enjoy it with. It's practically eerie.
She decorates her temple-palace area, transforming rooms to match her needs as she sees fit. In the center of the inner gardens is a massive tree that she likes to climb, with twisting, winding branches. Sam and Tucker have honorary rooms, even if they can't safely leave the specter speeder for long periods of time, even with proper safety equipment. So does Jazz. Ali (Dani) has one too, but he can actually use that one, and Danny brought him to her lair so he could decorate it himself.
She has a personal garden, but for the most part she lets the flora exist as it is. Too much space to cultivate it en masse anyways.
Skip to a few weeks later, on her next visit to Clockwork. She developed a habit of going to see him semi-regularly just because. She enjoys his wisdom, and he has a lot of stories to tell, and when he's not being the cryptic and esoteric timekeeper, he's a bit goofy.
(pushing my dadwork agenda here,,, i think Danny deserves to go 'hey, Lord Clockwork, do you want me to buy you something' while she's at walmart, only to receive a singular glowing sticky note that says 'cucumber gatorade'.)
(She insists on referring to him with his proper titles even for the most mundane of things because it's proper, but Clockwork sees a future where she eventually calls him "Cee" and by all things in existence is he determined to get there. Anyways,,,)
On her next visit to Clockwork, just as she is about to leave, Clockwork stops her and goes; "Ah, I have something for you. Hold out your hands."
Danny does as such, and Clockwork doesn't give out things often, so her curiosity has spiked to the highest levels. He turns away from her for a moment, using his staff to summon whatever it is he needs, and when he turns around.
He drops a fish into her hands. Granted, a fish in a small glass tank. But a fish nonetheless. A small one, roughly about the size of her finger, with a blue-black, eel-shaped body and four sets of glowing eyes. She can see thin, almost translucent, but spiny fins down its back and the start of bioluminescent markings. It's swimming around in circles in its small container.
"Lord Clockwork." Danyal says all too calmly.
"Yes, Danyal?"
"What is this?"
"That is an adolescent leviathan, Danyal." She’s transfixed onto the tank, but she doesn’t need to see Clockwork’s face to hear the smile he’s stifling.
The myriad of emotions that runs through her all at once threatens to overwhelm her, and she can’t tell if the feelings are negative or positive. So she carefully closes her eyes to breathe in through her nose.
“Clockwork.”
“Ah, I see you’ve dropped formalities.”
She ignores that.
“Why have you given me an adolescent leviathan?”
She's expecting the trickster to look amused when she opens her eyes. Instead, he just looks endeared. "I know you're fond of animals," he says, "and you always look amazed when you come across an animal of the realms. So I thought you might enjoy taking care of the young beast, it's mother is dead so it has no one to care for it."
Oh.
"But, if you don't like it," Clockwork's hands reach out for the tank, "I can simply take it back--"
Danyal shifts the tank out from his reach and hugs it possessively. "I never said that. How do I care for it?"
And so clockwork gives her a list, and when Danyal returns to her lair, she sets up a large tank in her room for the leviathan to swim in -- it's much too small for the lake right now, she thinks. She'll feel better if it's somewhere she can find it. She names him Suhā.
Suhā grows quickly, and by the end of the mortal month she transforms one of the rooms into a large pond for him to swim around in. He's a very loyal beast, recognizing her as it's mother of some kind. Danyal takes great care ensuring that her beastie gets quality care, and Suhā swims to the surface to see her when he senses her in the room.
It spirals from there. Somehow, Pandora catches wind that Clockwork gave her a leviathan, and so the next time Danyal visits the Greater Athens, she gives her a baby chimera. It's eyes are still sealed shut, Danyal can't bring herself to say no. She names the little beastie Firas.
Frostbite hears about it too, and not to be outdone, gives her an animal she's never even heard of. Infinite-realms born, apparently. A fox-like creature with two small horns like an impala, four eyes, and tall legs. The name isn't something she's quite sure how to write down, and she's positive that her friends won't be able to comprehend it. She names her Eira.
Getting the three of them used to each other was... interesting. Suhā tried to eat Firas when Danyal first introduced the two, and they've hated each other ever since. Firas and Eira are seemingly getting along. Her island already feels full enough with the three of them on it.
Of course, that's not the end of it. With her luck, she begins stumbling across other monsters. Realms-borne or otherwise. An injured hydra in the Grecian islands that, through lots of trial and error, Danyal is able to rehabilitate and heal. It routinely comes to visit her afterwards.
A griffin with a broken wing that she moves permanently to the island that likes to keep to itself, but tends to come down when she's near. It gets along best with Firas.
A panther-like monster from the Shades Woods that had six legs and three tails, with ends that reminded her of a venus flytrap. It stuck around the heavy foliage and she can only make out where it was when she saw its golden eyes reflect.
She befriends a young indrik with its leg injured, and much like the hydra it follows her back to her island, and stays there in the mountains. It comes out when she's alone, much like her other beasts.
She receives two more leviathan -- one from clockwork, and one she finds herself while exploring the deeper and darker recesses of the Ghost Zone. It was huddled against the carcass of its mother, and she managed to befriend and get close enough to it to bring it back to her island. Suhā is fully grown by then, with a head bigger than Danyal herself and he still likes to stick her head out of the water for nuzzles when she's near.
He's not very happy with his new siblings, but he's not trying to eat them when she's not looking. So she calls it a win in her book.
And it's not just large beasts either; smaller animals begin popping up when she's not looking. Bird-like creatures and small mammals, and she swears she saw a doe (or something resembling a doe) grazing in the forest while she was walking by.
She takes back with her a lone snake egg once, and it grows so big it wraps around her island and sleeps with its massive head on the mountain beside the temple, like some smaller breed of Jörmungandr.
And on and on it goes. Some of the beasts she comes across never step foot onto her island, some of them follow her back, while others she has to carry back. Not all of the ones that follow her stay, and Danny rehabilitates the injured and releases them when they're fully healed.
It's hectic, and busy, and frankly she loves it. Some of her rehabilitated beasts return to visit her, or to have their children somewhere on the island, or whatever it is they need to do.
She becomes a bit infamous for it. She goes to visit Dorathea once, and as she's walking through the streets she can hear some of the denizens whispering while she walks past.
"Is that her?"
"Her highness' friend? Yes--"
"--that's the one--"
"--Mother of monsters--"
Danny's not sure how to feel about that.
Although, she can't say she's opposed.
Danyal Al Ghul, Mother of monsters, raiser of beasts. It has a nice ring to it.
#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc prompt#fem danny fenton#fem danyal al ghul#mother of monsters danny#if anyone wants to hear about Layal specifically I'd be HAPPY to tell you about her. she's inspired by the song 'scylla' from epic#you can't leave me with dark danny for too long i give him depth if i do. anyways i gave layal mommy issues. she has a complicated view on#danyal and both loves and hates her in equal measure. she killed her out of mercy. she's her mother her sister her other half.#she despises her. she misses her. she'll never see her again. she sees her every time she looks in the mirror. she's 24. she's 10 years old#can you tell that i made layal during a time where i was thinking about the 'dan is danny's kid' dpdc trope bc that's exactly what happened#*holds dad!clockwork up like potato.* 'i just think he's neat :)'#i am incapable of making things only cracky. i must make it meaningful in some way or another.#MMMM i have to cut it off here before it gets too looooNNGGG.#if this flops i'll be sad :((#i just think the idea that danyal has her own little world on her island is neat. she's got dragons and wyrms and serpents and giant wolves#and griffins and one time there's a sphinx although she doesn't stay permanently. Danyal has a blast answering her riddles though.#that panther is based off the dnd displacer beast. there's little salamanders and gazelles with three eyes. there's more sea monsters than#just suhā and the other two leviathans but i couldnt think of any. im obsessed with the sea serpents if you havent notice LMFAO.#there's pegasi and a manticore and a ton of infinite realms monsters that are just an assortment of animals slapped together#the shades woods are a mega-island idea that i had. they're where a bunch of the “shades ghosts” are from. Its this large forest area with#megaflora trees similar to the redwood forest with canopies so thick and wide that no light can reach the bottom. so all of the native faun#living there have adapted to live in the shadows. there are a few villages that live in tall tree houses like the ewok villages that outsid#ghosts can go visit. the panther that's from there is very fond of danyal honestly. anyways yEAH ANIMAL WHISPERER DANNY.#her beasties are all animals up until she's like. 19. where she promptly steals an infant minotaur from a Legends Islands near Pandora#he wasn't being treated well okay!!! she couldn't stand by and watch. his name is asterion. he's a year old. and she'll kill for him.#i dont have enough tags to talk about Damian or her family >:T. just know that i am leaning into her assassin bg as usual :)
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Becoming deeply radicalized against the idea of crewed Mars missions, y'know how the Rovers keep sending back better and better data what if instead of that we made an even bigger one and devoted nearly 90% of its capacity to holding a guy in a bubble on top of it instead of sending back useful data, but wait! They'll eliminate like a half hour of latency and also almost certainly contaminate the landing site and possibly the entire planet, so it's not all downside.
#At least in the near term it's fucking pointless and the downsides are very large and very big#Quite frankly it is extraordinarily likely that the first people to arrive at mars will do so dead#Because they will have been sent by fucking idiots willing to take too large risks#But the good news is that the wreck will spread across and contaminate huge amounts of the martian biosphere#To the point that we will quite possibly never be able to discern the history of life on mars#But if they live at least they'll get to slightly reduce the latency on our telerobotic fleet!#And travel home with the samples I guess#Good thing Percy's tagging and bagging rocks that we just canceled the return trips for#At least once we fuck up the rest of the planet those will be sterile#Kinda still excited about Aritimis but also kinda becoming anti-human spaceflight in general#We should consider not doing that for a while and at most focus specifically on living on the moon in a controlled and limited fashion#Ground the whole fucking commercial fleet who gives a shit those capsules are both gonna get someone killed sooner rather than later#And it's not like we're learning a whole lot by having people on hand up there#They spend most of their time trying to keep the machines from falling apart#Which is the main thing people would be doing for three continuous years on the shortest possible mars mission#Like you could send a dozen rovers for the price of one crewed mission both mass and money-wise#And that's probably a lowball estimate even assuming more and more advances in rover technology#Which are happening a lot faster than the advances in life support technology#Right now we do not even have enough functioning space capsules at our low earth orbit space station#Starship HLS is a fucking joke#The whole thing reeks let's just stop sending people into space for a while what were we really getting out of it
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Nar
This is basically if he was free and in the real world. Wouldn’t have his glasses because there would be no charger to need emergency charges for (the charger fell off and he lived, crazy)
not canon, just wanted to draw him happy for once
#tsp#the stanley parable#tspud#tsp narrator#tspud art#tsp au#tspud narrator#the stanley parable ultra deluxe#the stanley parable narrator#the stanley parable 2#the narrator#my art#artists on tumblr#yeah this could never be canon#sorry y’all#charger can’t get pried off he’ll die#“keep the charger on!” it’s a tracking device too the crows will find him#not to mention he needs very large amounts of electricity and specific electricity to live#so eh#wouldnt happen#which is sad#but hey maybe he could find a loophole or smthn idk
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Maybe the truth at the heart of Shadowstruck is the importance of family. Because the most compelling stories in this universe are about what happens when you tell parents that some of their children have no right to their love, care, and protection. It destroys what should be the strongest and most natural bonds of love, and that simple horrible thing leads to all the complicated problems in their oppressive society.
#adventures in writing#shadowstruck#got to thinking about this yesterday while reading something talking about the family's importance to society#maybe something about how a child is under a family's loving care until they can take care of themself#and it made me think about how both of the main story ideas that have sprung from this universe#are about someone who suffers when a father deems them unworthy of love#and that got me thinking about how 'uncle tom's cabin' turned people against slavery#largely because victorians valued the family and the book showed how slavery tore families apart#so maybe i should read 'uncle tom's cabin' just as background#but anyway if i decide to do something with the original version of 'shadowstruck'#the compelling thing is not whatever political intrigue was going to happen (which I never defined)#but the possibility that rinna would cross paths with the family that sold her into slavery#meet the younger sister who was given her name#literally her replacement#meet the father who made the decision not to kill her#but also sold her away from the house to avoid the shame that would have come#from people recognizing her as his child#i can't decide if he'd meet her in a slavery context#and have to live with seeing the life he condemned her to#or if she'd be involved with activists at this point#in a position of at least some level of freedom and safety#and he would see her as a woman with thoughts and feelings#(who looks so much like her mother)#and on some level recognize that he did a horrible thing to her#but how do you begin to go about apologizing or helping her#or in any way mending this horrible unforgivable thing that tore you apart?#the trouble about this universe (like so many of my other ones)#is that there's the potential for so many little stories and characters#that don't necessarily want to resolve themselves into full coherent novels#it gives me so many thoughts that it's hard to settle on a complete story
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can russia and north korea just nuke us already this is hopeless
#sorry to be so fatalistic on main i just have zero faith in the american public atp#i just rly wanted to believe that more americans couldve used this opportunity to prove to the rest of the world that we arent all a bunch#of sensationalist/conspiracy-driven/aggressively braindead/violent/bigoted alt-right lunatics#& i never had much faith in kamala & walz to begin with obviously im incredibly cynical towards these status quo gatekeepers and the#downright impotence of the neoliberal democratic party#but this wouldve been an easy swerve away from dozens MORE of horrible awful inhumane policies that will ultimately vanquish#the quality of life for the entire american working class like myself and our already pisspoor education system and our lousy#climate change policies and impossible living standards#but no unfortunately there is no way in hell for americans to prove even a modicum of intelligence or worth we're all basically suicidal#and despite my own immense yank bashing tendencies and complete disdain for our government i really wanted this country & my ppl to defy#our own reputation of being so fucking stupid and backwards i really did. in the tiniest little place of my heart was legitimate hope#& a tiny bit of patriotism thats now been squashed completely & this was just another large-scale international humiliation that we legit#voted that guy BACK IN after everything that has happened the last four even eight years. its unbelievable.#again obviously i dont like kamala but it still wouldve been a grand opportunity to stall against what the gop is already destroying#and with push and shove we could have made slight progress forward as a country and try to protect our social programs#be it as flawed as they are and with enough support we could have strengthened them a little. make drugs less expensive. continue forward#with clean energy decreasing our use of fossil fuels even more.#protect our education system so the up and coming generations could receive higher standards of learning than what the rest of us had#NO ABSOLUTELY NOT. im too poor to continue living here and im too poor to fucking leave !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#SORRY THIS WAS EXTREMELY EXTREMELY EXTREMELY LONG THANK U FOR READING IF U DID MY BRAIN FEELS LIKE MUSH RIGHT NOW SO I DONT KNOW HOW#INTELLIGIBLE THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE#and if this makes anyone mad @ all then ill just delete it cuz by god i dont need more grief and self hatred !#txt
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i think the real victim of the ending of fool's fate is molly, who is inevitably going to have her husband of however many years, stepfather to her 8 children, break it to her that he needs to leave for an indeterminate amount of time to go save the world with his best friend that she has never met and doesnt know that much about who it turns out is his literal soulmate
#i think in the process of trying to secure a simple and peaceful heterosexual life for fitz the fool kind of fucked over poor molly#who#even if he had never returned#would. surely EVENTUALLY figure out the whole “hes half of my soul” thing#poor molly is just gonna eventually find out fitz has a soulmate and its not her#its this strange twink who made an elective decision to fuck off and let ur husband go be with you#with the energy of someone releasing a wild animal they reared by hand to go live free with its own kind#i doubt fitz ever told her cause i think he thinks its irrelevant#but the fool maybe shouldve considered the eventuality that fitz ever casually drops that the fool is like half of his soul#and theyre the same person and had a bond more intimate than any romantic relationship#to this woman who#broke up with him#because he was too loyal to#the king#he wasnt even IN LOVE with the king it was just taking up a lot of his time. girl is not gonna be cool with this#estarriol mute this#rote liveblog#i just want molly and the fool to meet. i have no idea whats gonna happen i just want it.#were it not for the fitz thing i think theyd get along great#but the whole “you are my husbands one true love” “you are the reason i cant be with my one true love”#might get in the way#also i wonder if the name exchange thing does make them married and if she'll ever find out abt that#there is a large chance that in the fitz and the fool trilogy molly and the fool find out that fitz is married to the fool#and just#never mentioned he did that to them bc he didnt think it was a big deal
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🫎
#this place drives me crazy....#i notice it esp bc when im outside and feel a tiny bit better#(unfortunately this city is a nightmare for a hypervigilant like me to live bc theres crazyyy much noise 24/7)#but my home has for the first 23yrs of my life been a noise wise calm place to wind down and be safe and relax#but a couple of years ago there was like a shift and everyone who moves in here are crazy#my neighbors are constantly stomping banging and thumping. constantly.......#people outside are always screaming and yelling and slamming doors and everything u can do#they let their kids run around and scream like demons and throw rocks on cats and piss on the walls#and they go around with metal pipes or sticks and hit everything#like.... im sorry if u wanna call me a childhater for saying thats fucked up then go ahead#that's not sane behavior and the parents dont raise their kids anymore#constant yelling.... anyway#we have a clan of ppl who do lots of illegal things which is above all NOISYYYYYY#they make shit in the apartment above me and then live in another and then large moving trucks come and pick it up#?????? if u wanna call me a stuck up karen for thinking thats not ok to do to your neighbors go ahead!!!!!! im a bitter bitch#i dont think it's ok to cause such disturbance to your neighbors they cant sleep or exist in peace but thats just me ig!!!!!#these ppl living here are batshit insane bc i've been here for 25 and it's never been like this#and i mean it's MY problem for being noise sensitive ofc#but i feel like my brain is CONSTANTLY always being overstimulated and i can barely function anymore#i like legit wanna kms just to escape all this noise#i dont get any quiet moment ever#not even in the middle of the night there is always some human making noise and causing a disturbance#a few years ago it could be dead quiet in the middle of the day#what has happened im losing my miiiiiiind i wanna dieeeeeeeee#what happens when i reach a point where my brain just overcooks and i explode?#what will i do? what will i do when i lose control sksksk that shit scares me i dont wanna see#i cant live like this but im stuck and i dont know how to get out#and my mom was in a smaller city the other day and she said it was a crazy amount of noise yhere to#what do i do? whrre do i go???? i might jusy have to go deaf or smth i cant do this
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Yeah idk man
#im so worried about how things will be#idk why i hadnt even seriously considered it a possibility for trump to win.#it just. idk why people would vote for him i dont get it#im worried the politicians here will follow in his footsteps and become more radically conservative#and i dont even have to live in the us#idk. im feeling close to everyone who hoped this would never happen again or something.#im worried about what will happen in the conflicts around the world. so many people's lives are at stake#i just wanted someone who at least seemed a little bit ibterested in peace and ceasefires#and also someone who is not as interested in being patted on the back by putin :(#meow meow#delete later#vent#like circling back to like. what will happen atound the world. . ig maybe i mean like. the us has such a large influence im just like.#i reallt didnt want trump to have access to that influence
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;~; (tags vent)
#i feel so lonely and i dont know how to fix it#im trying to engage with people. im trying ot take space. im trying but nothing is helping#and like im hormonal so i wanna cry about it today#and like this loneliness isnt for one reason only#there's no One Thing#but so so many things making me feel like i cant connect#and even wiht making progress and even with coping and even with reminidng myself its okay to just feel bad sometimes like#i want company. i dont want online company i want irl company. i want friends. and im so miserable about the fact that i struggle to#make irl friends - not bc im not a good friend!! honestly tehre's been plenty of opportunities for me to make friends is the worst part#between work; disabilities; energy; and like interests/things to talk about its really hard to make friends (and tbh the first three-#really are the biggest drains). and i love my online friends i do i jsut. miss them all so much when i talk too much and then it hurts more#and i lost a friend group recently so im feelng really out of place#nearly everyday for the last idk. 5 months i had a group of people going “hey. love you” (even if they didnt say it verbatim daily) and lik#im so sad! and the feelings are coming out today ig cause i havenothing to do at work so im just. here#but yeah - ik part of this grief im experiencing is YET AGAIN experiencing change and loss re:friendships bc of things largely out of my#control /: and every time this happens it just brings up every single wound#im talking with my therapist about it too i just. wish friends were more permanent in my life yk?#or at least that i had friends irl still /: but all my deepest connections are all So far away#and it hurts so much to miss ppl rn im just. isolating myself#but i dont awnt to TALK. i dont want to TEXT. i dont want to hang out on a vc. i awnt to be held and loved and just talked to about anythin#other than the stresses in peoples lives. i want people to infodump to me w/o me having to Beg or Engage Correctly#i want people to tell me about themselves. jsut fucking lore dump in my inbox. its not dumping. i dont care about trauma dumping. if you do#cw i guess i jsut. im so tired. im tired of the “haiiiiii love you!!!!!” i have to do over the keyboard to have social connections#im tired of being so disabled i cant make friends bc no one wants to be friends w/ me irl and all the reasons (“ur a flake” “u cancel plans#“u never want to go out” “u never have energy” “why do you disappear when you need to recharge it makes me feel bad?” etc etc etc) all#relate to me being disabled and like.i feel like the problem. my existence is a problem. and the worst part is all iwant to do is just.#go run errands with someone. do important tasks &get a little treat to celebrate after. go to the doctor. the hospital. wherever im allowed#i want ot be a PERSON#): i jsut miss my friends#and liek im going to a thing later this month to try and make friends irl even if its just exercise friends
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@beatingheart-bride
"Oh...!" Josephine cooed, eyes lighting up as she squeezed the quilt, saying, tone sentimental, "I made a quilt so much like this when I was pregnant with June...I swaddled her in it the day she was born, I used to bundle her up in it when she was a tot, I tucked her in with it...it's a bit of an old tradition, you could say-my mother made one for me, and her mother made one for her and...well, you get the picture!"
Knowing her daughter had carried on that tradition when pregnant with her own son was very moving for the Burke matriarch to hear, and she made a mental note to ask to see the one June made, for now instead choosing to say, "I love a quilt that tells a story. And judging from this, your courtship must be quite the tale!"
"Ah...that it is," Randall chuckled bashfully, his grandparents pulling up seats, just as Wilhelm's brothers were doing the same, excited to hear how their little brother fell in love with their sister-in-law. It was a story Wilhelm never grew tired of telling, always gregarious as he recounted it, grinning from ear to ear as he recalled his being smitten with the cute maid working at the hotel he'd landed at upon arriving in town-who seemed just as smitten with him to boot.
"You were working at the hotel, June?" August asked curiously, at which June nodded, saying, "It was the first opening I saw after the nursery closed. Before that, I was still working as a nurse, but..."
Though she smiled as she trailed off, there was a bittersweetness to her tone, to her smile: She loved nursing, loved her work there, but the recent passing of her parents so close together dampened that enjoyment, made it hard to focus. So she left for the nursery-she always intended to go back, but things just never quite worked out that way...
The levity was still present in the room, of course (especially when Colin and Callahan, trying to keep the mood light, ribbed their brother for his flirting methods, having seen them in action back in Ireland), but although he put on a smile, August seemed to wince a little, with his wife giving his arm a little squeeze of reassurance as she asked Randall and Emily, "Was your courtship just as much of a whirlwind?"
#((exactly! he's been largely relegated as a footnote to history; and as a murderer of the woman he loves no less!))#((buried in a pauper's grave and scorned as a monster; while the real murderer lives a long and miserable life))#((but otherwise goes unpunished by the law for his crime-and there's really no way to clear randall's name post-mortem!))#((like you said; at least nicholas got the punishment of living his life paranoid; and never got his hands on the fortune))#((and of course randall; emily; and their loved ones know the truth; but it still is just sad to think))#((of the fallout of randall's murder: nicholas's claim did a lot of the heavy lifting i'm sure))#((but that; compounded with no one being around to vouch for randall's character))#((-i'm sure minnie threw him clean under the bus as soon as she found out what happened-))#((as well as his personal history-working mother; dead alcoholic father-))#((everyone just kinda drew their own conclusions; and it's heartbreaking to think he went down in history))#((as a murderer! not as a loving husband or father; or even a great haberdasher: just a murderer buried in a lonely grave!))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Two Worlds; One Family
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I always fear that I'm an existential traitor. I feel like I am every day, even as I live like a near-shut-in and know basically nobody in-person.
#honestly that's a large part of why I wanted to be a martyr for so many years#why I kept wishing that someday some situation would just show up where I can finally die#in such a way that my death saves other people's lives#or otherwise proves that I'm a good person with principles#I fear I'll never become a good friend that I'll never become a good comrade#that I'll amount to nothing#and that amounting to nothing would prove that I was a traitor by failing#to become strong to do my part#but if i were to die for something then i would lose the ability to fail#and prove I was at least good for something one time#I'd think 'if there are so many shootings happening anyway why can't i be at the scene of one'#'so i can kill the shooter or die trying'#like i don't want shootings to happen but since they do anyway#why can't those cowardly gunmen who shoot unarmed people face me?#or hoping 'the glorious revolution' will finally 'happen' so i can die in it#or something#i just feel like a failure at best and a traitor at worst#being depressed i don't often feel at my best#i think I'm a risk just by existing. or at least in the way
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started from the bottom now we r here
#good omens#good omens spoilers#gos2 spoilers#tw slurs#tw f slur#i know it’s devastating but my god#remember when a large part of the evidence for aziraphales queerness was people calling him slurs#and now we live in a world where anthony j crowley just kissed him fiercely on the mouth and aziraphale CLUTCHED at him desperately#it’s absolutely incredible#im so so certain this never would’ve been allowed to happen even ten years ago#(if ive tagged the tw’s wrong pls tell me! really hope ive got it right)
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When you live in a cold region and playing BG3 both qualifies as entertainment and also as a mini spaceheater
#bg3#q#it is fucking COLD here#several of these hours are from me just leaving it on in the background for warmth i s2g#im fine i just find it funny#i know i complain a lot but i love it#at one point I lived in a place where we had to constantly check out the window during spring because the ice would start to melt#and ice fishers fear neither god nor icy death#so we had to be ready to call emergency services in case one fell through lmao#never happened while i was there but the ice could be cracked and melting and theyd STILL be out there#one time there was a HUGE crack. ice melting. and they threw some kind of party on the most solid part of the ice#they brought out little tents and a bbq#and their whole families#i think it was their last fish of the season party or something#but god i was so nervous for them#you see a lot of weird shit living beside large bodies of water
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People who conflate cannibalism with vore like stop. No for real stoooop. Lol stop. Please. I’m gonna cry
#they are…. so so so fundamentally NOT the same thing OH my god#like idk when this started but like I’ve seen just standard normal cannibalism cross tagged as vore and it makes me anxious#they are not equatable in the least 😭😭😭#and I am living in terror that one day I’m gonna click on something where I read the tags and they all seemed normal#but there was a vore one next to the cannibalism one and I was like ‘oh unfortunately this happened again’#and no…. it’s going to be actual vore…… and then I’m going to have to walk into the woods to die and rot#but also @ the ppl doing this you are also probably alienating a large audience that will not touch ANYTHING tagged as it because… yeah#that is me btw I would NEVER click something tagged vore#but once I realized this was a thing that was happening I might maybe sometimes possibly risk it if it seems like a high probability this#is what happened but…. it terrifies me every time#anyways pls stop doing this ppl who write stuff featuring just normal fucking cannibalism#kaz rambles
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Not asleep yet, I was playing DQXI earlier to work on getting all the extra outfits and now my brain is filled with thoughts of Erik. Also how dirty they did him (and everyone but the Luminary) in Act 3.
EDIT: I realized I went on a very long rant in the tags. Spoilers for the game and it's post-game content in the tags.
#i have a love/hate thing with this game#acts 1 and 2 are phenominal and i love them so so so much#act 3 however makes me so dissapointed#i generally dislike when stories use a timeline reset trope to fix all the bad stuff that happened#and i particularly HATE how the writers and devs executed that trope to make act 3 happen#the idea of reseting back to act 1 isnt inherently a bad thing#but the fact that the party eventually just gets all of their power from before the reset shortly after act 3 starts is terrible#in act 2 the player explores just how deeply each party member is affected by their respective traumas#the player stands by the party and helps them through it and make things as right as they can be#not perfect but realizing that things will never be perfect is part of the journey#with e.rik in particular he has to cope with fact he coulsnt save his sister fast enough before she was tainted by evil and greed#the player helps free his sister but he still has to live with the knowledge he couldnt be there for her when she needed him most#its painfully emotional and hits all the right notes for me#act 3 erases all of that and prevents that trauma from ever happening by giving him and his sister a storybook ending#she's saved by main protagonist privilege and now the player is best bros with e.rik for life#i have no words for just how much i hate this#its so bad that ive never actually beaten the game largely bc of it#that and my will to 100% as much of the game without going into new game+ has been sapped dry until recently#the ONLY good thing to come out of act 3 is that the l.uminary is the only person to remember everything from act 2#and now he has to live with the knowledge he is an anomaly and has 0 other people who expierenced the same trauma as him#despite those people who experienced it alongside him are still in his party#v.eronica DIED in act 2 and now shes alive again in act 3 that HAS to be terrifying to the l.uminary bc shes like a dead girl walking to hi#im getting so off topic#this is supposed to be abt e.rik#uhhhh e.rik is best boy and im somehow gonna retcon all of act 3 in my au bc its stinky bad#🗡 Catch Me If You Can
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